CodyTalks at the...
140 conference smalltown 2011

"We Teach Them to Drive"

Read more
CodyTalks Public Speaking

CodyTalks Radio Show
Sundays at 7a.m. CST - Wednesdays at 10:30a.m. CST

Hot topics going on in your area

Read more
CodyTalks Radio Show

CodyTalks at the...
140 conference NYC 2011

"How the Internet is like a Small Town"
...Twitter is coffee shop of the world... the whole world can now know about the good or bad thing you did just like it's always happened at the small town coffee shop.

Read more
CodyTalks Public Speaking

Making tough kids...

* It's important to me that you know that when I write about stuff that I think should be done in a certain way, it's just as much for my benefit as anything and I am not preaching or claiming I do things right all the time.

Ok so let me ask you this:

When your kid comes home from school (daycare, playground, whatever) and says someone has been being mean to them, what's your reaction? Not your parental instinct to go kill the other kid... your response to your kid?

*Stop right here and actually think about it... I want the conversation, don't just read on and not ponder the question.

Here's what I think your response to your kid should be:

"Did you do anything to make them want to be mean to you?"

More and more I am seeing parents respond by immediately coddling their kid and telling them they will call the school or the other kids parent and demand discipline and apologies... they are just taking their kid's word that they were completely innocent and the other child is all in the wrong.

Don't take this as "Your kid should just deal with bullying on their own". I know there are some serious circumstances that happen on the playground and adults need to get involved. But, we also have to realize that our kids do have to be able to deal with circumstances on their own at times and normal kid stuff on the playground is nature's way of teaching our kids to deal with normal adult B.S. when they get older.

We also have to realize that sometimes... our kid might be the problem.

I'm not in favor of a hardened, heartless kid... but we do have to make sure our kids are prepared to, on their own, take responsibility for their actions and be able to deal with jerks, on their own at times.



9 comments:

  1. Bravo Cody! When people ask us what we did to raise such a great young man I can only think of one thing. We taught him responsibility and accountability. Everything that happens to us we are accountable for in one way or another, either by deed or circumstance, if you understand that ...it makes sense in my head.lol Kids need to be able to self reflect and not be victims. I once got a 3 page letter from a mom because my son told her daughter he hated her, on the playground in kindergarten..really? Turns out the whole story was her daughter kicked my son and she was given an appropriate response when one kicks another..but I had to get a 3 page letter about what horrible parents we were and what a terrible child..yes, we were floored and humored all at the same time...

    ReplyDelete
  2. USMCWIFE rocks the comments again...Thanks Heidi.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My kids are apparently older than yours. But I had the same approach. It burns me a new one when I hear one of my friends kid. The kid is the bully but his father never asks him "Did you do what Mr. so and so asked of you in class? Why did so and so splash water in your face?" It was so bad one night the kid was talking about hitting his mother. I spoke up and said "You know your kid ( I was on the phone but the kid could hear me) is at least 1/2 foot taller than his mother and I don't care what she said, he would be headed for juvie if he keeps that mouth up and actions.

    ReplyDelete

I love the discussion in the comments.. so... GO FOR IT!

Other CodyTalks posts you may like